The Human Condition
by Snowflakes-GSR
Summary: GS - Post PWF - a happier alternative ::complete::
1. Chapter 1

Author: Lithium – Infected – Shamrock (LIS)  
  
Spoilers: Set after PWF   
  
Paring: G/S  
  
Authors note: I decided to do some non-depressing G/S. Well, apart from mild angst at the beginning.   
  
I'm not well at the moment, so forgive any OOC expressions.   
  
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Sara was crying.   
  
Well, crying was probably a verb too far.  
  
Sobbing.   
  
She was in the locker room, putting on her coat. She was silently cursing her efforts; her efforts to solve the enigma named Grissom.   
  
Any other day she would have sufficed with the warm memory of him referring to her as "honey," but today, today she was in the ER.   
  
A place that took her closer to life and death than her own profession.   
  
And that brought about a need for an answer.   
  
"I'm not worth the tears." Grissom said from the doorframe, she looked across to him in disgust.   
  
"The tears aren't for you," she said harshly, picking up her bag and looking at him.   
  
His face held a slightly hurt and quizzical expression, in response to her statement.   
  
"They're for me, I'm crying because I can't seem to get anything into my life," she admitted angrily.   
  
She wiped away a tear before continuing, "It's you're fault. You told me I needed more in my life, this was my meagre attempt to get something – someone in my life." She said sarcastically, walking towards the door, and, inevitably towards Grissom.   
  
"You're angry with me." He said – a statement, not a question.   
  
She sighed defeated. "I'm not Griss, I'm just angry at me I-"  
  
"Have dinner with me," he interrupted.   
  
Her mouth hung open in question, her eyes full of malice.   
  
"You're only saying that to stop me crying." She said, shocked and hurt at his statement.   
  
He hesitated in answering – it was all she needed.  
  
"No" she reflected his earlier answer, and pushed past him.   
  
'No' was the last thing she wanted to say. Anything but 'no' – but Sara wasn't one to easily forgive.   
  
Grissom watched her leave; completely perplexed. The human condition was definitely an enigma to him.   
  
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"Are you following me?" His question broke her thoughts of self-doubt.  
  
He expected a frown.  
  
He expected the four-letter explicative.   
  
He didn't expect a smile.  
  
"Hey Griss," she said casually, walking to his side.   
  
"What are you doing here," he said smiling. He didn't want to risk Sara's mood changing.   
  
"Warrick told me that you took him on once," she said, indicating the roller coaster, "that they're an great way to clear your head, I'm here to…clear my head," she said, enlightened.   
  
"They are," he said, motioning for her to proceed in front.   
  
She hesitated, and gave him a concerned glance.   
  
"What is it?" he said, a small touch of concern in his voice.  
  
She looked up to the roller coaster. "It's so high…." She let her voice trail off, as she looked from the 'coaster then to Grissom, who was smiling at her.  
  
"Didn't you study physics?" he questioned with a grin.   
  
She made a mock scowl; she knew where his questioning was going. "Physics says I'll be fine, my stomach says otherwise." She said with a note of fear in her voice.   
  
"Well…. I'm going on. You're welcome to join me," he shrugged, "if you still want to clear you're head." He offered.   
  
She smiled, and nodded in agreement.   
  
-----  
  
Grissom watched Sara brace herself when she was strapped in.   
  
She looked terrified.  
  
Not a 'Sara Sidle' look at all.   
  
The carriage jerked, and started ascending; he suddenly felt her hand holding his. Tightly.   
  
She looked up at him, to check if this new contact was ok, he answered her worried look with a smile.   
  
They started descending.   
  
And that's when he felt the feeling he came here for, the absence of humanity.   
  
He looked to Sara, expecting a mirrored look of composure, or a look of joy.   
  
He saw neither, her head was buried in the side headrest; she looked like she was afraid.  
  
He could now feel half-moon shaped pain in his hand; her fingernails were digging in.   
  
He called her name, but the motion carried away his voice.   
  
He wanted to squeeze her hand in reassurance, but her hand was already gripped tightly around his.   
  
The ride stopped, abruptly, and she hurriedly unbuckled her support, and pushed past Grissom.   
  
-----  
  
He eventually caught up with her – she was bent in two, holding her knees.   
  
He took her arm, and led her to a bench.   
  
He placed his hand on her back; she still hadn't looked at him.   
  
"Put your head between your legs," He instructed. He felt her back tense for a moment, before she complied.   
  
"Sorry," she said abruptly.   
  
"For what?" he said softly, she didn't need to be sorry for anything.   
  
"I never told you that I got motion sickness." She admitted.  
  
She hated showing vulnerabilities.   
  
"It's ok Sara." He said. Then they shared a moment of silence.   
  
"Did it work?" he said.   
  
"What?" she said, trying to pull up, but he applied pressure on her back, to keep her down. She revelled in the heat of his hand, his touch.   
  
"Did you forget you're problems," he said simply.   
  
"I don't think it's a problem anymore," she said, pulling against his hand, and, in one swift motion, she pulled herself up and kissed him on the cheek.   
  
'My God, did I just kiss Grissom?' she thought to herself. She internally calmed herself. 'Its just a mixture of the shock earlier, the rejection, and the motion sickness," she told herself. She searched his face.   
  
Grissom immediately looked flushed.   
  
He opened his mouth to speak……  
  
…..and Sara decided she wasn't going to be reject twice in one day.   
  
In another swift movement, she straddled Grissom on the bench, and rested her head on his shoulder.   
  
Grissom pulled his arms away – unsure whether to reciprocate this intimate public display of affection.   
  
"I would have kissed on the mouth, but I still feel kinda queasy," she whispered.   
  
Grissom's mind was racing. He had no-idea what to do.   
  
He could feel his body wanting her.   
  
He knew that one day, his actions would provoke this response from her.   
  
He rested his head in her hair, and gingerly, wrapped his arms around her.   
  
He felt his heart beat faster.   
  
And Her mind fell silent.   
  
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Do I continue? 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: ….ok….I really wasn't expecting that many reviews [but thank you for them all!] – I really felt ill when I wrote it – and I still do….damn my fragile immune system……again, forgive any OCC expressions.   
  
PWF = Play With Fire (episode of series 3)   
  
Also, I don't usually write anything fluffy………  
  
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"Maybe we can have dinner now?" she said with a smile.   
  
"I thought you felt queasy," he said in a humorous questioning tone.   
  
"Hmm, I did, but It might have been love," she said teasingly.   
  
"If it was just love, maybe we could go on again," he grinned.  
  
She knew he meant the roller coaster. She pulled herself up, and glared accusingly at him.   
  
He continued; "You do know we're causing a scene don't you?" looking her directly in the eyes.  
  
Her glare softened into a smile.   
  
"Any other day I might care." She said in a light-hearted tone.   
  
"Why not today?" He questioned, although happy she was showing so much…. affection, slightly concerned about why she had chosen today.  
  
"Because I've been through so much….and I have you now." She grinned.   
  
He returned her grin with a smile.   
  
"I do have you now don't I?" she questioned seriously.  
  
He didn't say a word; he simply lowed his hands from her sides, and moved them round to the small of her back, and caressed it gently.   
  
"I'm going to take that as an answer for now Gil grissom, but ill want a verbal one sooner or later."   
  
"Dually noted" he said, and she proceeded to dismount him, and sat in her original position; by his side on the bench.   
  
"What now?" she said leaning back into the bench and smiling at grissom.   
  
"I think you need to sleep," He said insistently.   
  
She got up from the bench, and spun around with her arms open, "but I feel so alive…." She said dreamily.   
  
'I wonder if the hospital gave her more than stitches,' Grissom thought worriedly that Sara's sudden mood swings may have been caused by the drugs they had given her, or at least told her to take later in the day.   
  
"Whoa…." She said, holding her head, grinning like an idiot, realising that spinning around after feeling nauseous want a good idea.   
  
'Or maybe it was the ride on the roller coaster making her act so…differently.' He thought.   
  
Whatever it was, he decided that she needed some time. Although he was happy for this new found….love?….he wanted to see if Sara really meant the…the kiss.  
  
The kiss; it was so gentle, so…forbidden.   
  
He looked at her; she was standing there, just smiling at him.   
  
"I'm going to take you home," he said softly; he wanted to give her time to consider what she was getting herself into.  
  
What was she getting herself into?   
  
"I thought you'd never ask," she said seriously; accented with a small 'Sidle Smile.'   
  
"Sara…" he began, getting up, he didn't want to give her the wrong idea. He wondered if giving her time, was just a way of giving himself time.   
  
"Grissom…..don't say anything….just…..just take me home," she offered him a hand.   
  
He hesitated, - should he take it?   
  
----+-----  
  
'Should he take it?' – it's a cliffhanger of sorts. Sorry the chapters short – I promise that the subsequent ones will be longer. 


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, again, thanks for the reviews. Additional thanks to bugface and Jane moss for reminding me that I do have another WIP on my hands.   
  
[I admire anyone who can write non-angst]   
  
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She examined his face, she saw the concern.   
  
Obviously he wanted to take her home out of anxiety, not anything else. Her mind replayed his early words…. they were etched in her mind, and she knew they'd always be.   
  
Even if he ever did say those three words she longed to hear; but doubted she could admit them in return.   
  
"It just doesn't cross your mind, does it?" she said sceptically. She hated the way his actions could make her just as low; as they could high. No man should have that kind of power over her.  
  
"What doesn't?" he questioned.   
  
"The fact someone can be happy and spontaneous." She said seriously. "Your over analysing the situation Grissom." She said, her eyes darkening, her grave look deepening.   
  
……Yes, he could definitely make her unhappy……….   
  
"I don't want something to happen we both regret." He said sadly. She had the feeling he was saying it for his own benefit, 'he didn't want to do anything he'd regret.'   
  
She looked at him thoughtfully. She'd gone this far. She was determined. Too much had happened. She would not give up. She would persevere.   
  
"Did you regret the kiss?" she said casually.   
  
"No," he said quickly, the words escaping before he had chance to think about them.   
  
"Then take me home!" She pleaded sadly. She never thought she'd have to resort to this. Pleading. Pleading to be with the man she lov-….the man she cared for.   
  
He looked at her; her look of determination was beginning to fray; she was beginning to look fraught. He didn't want to be the cause of her pain; he knew inevitably most of the time he was.   
  
And that's why he stayed away from her; because he feared he'd burn her.   
  
But her mere presence was captivating.   
  
He offered his hand, she smiled and took it.   
  
…………but he could also make her feel……….  
  
The car ride was silent. Sara wanted to say…something, but she feared of saying the wrong thing.   
  
If only she realised Grissom's thoughts mirrored her own.   
  
He lead her up to his house; he lead, she followed, she felt…non-existent. She knew she was only here out of misguided pity.   
  
"Just because you admit your feelings Grissom, doesn't mean you don't have control over them," she said sadly as he unlocked his door.   
  
She was crying a little. She felt so confused; a good place for Sara Sidle the scientist, but a bad place for Sara Sidle the woman.   
  
She knew she had two sides; or at least she hoped she did. She wondered if he was afraid on the non-science side of her.   
  
In the doorframe he turned to her, she'd been through so much today; and he knew he'd hardly been sympathetic.   
  
He didn't want to take advantage of her; but he knew that's what he'd been doing for all this time.   
  
The double entendres. The late nights. The exchange of looks.   
  
Maybe the reality of the situation was that doing something now was the only way not to take advantage.   
  
He touched her face, slowly wiped the tear from below her eye. Then he ran his hand gently across her face. He let his fingers linger over her lips.   
  
She closed her eyes in response. She felt so tired; but the touch was so welcomed.   
  
The day felt so distant and fragmented; explosion, rejection, kissing…….the highs the lows…..his touch……  
  
…….he made her feel special…….   
  
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Reviews always welcomed. 


	4. Chapter 4

Hmm… I've neglected this fic…it's been a month since I last updated…  
  
Thanks for the reviews.   
  
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He broke the contact, which induced a sigh from Sara. He walked further into his home; he didn't want to break the contact, but he needed space. Things were happening to quickly.   
  
"You need to sleep." Grissom said. He knew it would probably spark a rebuke, an 'I don't need to sleep' or a,' lets talk about this' defensive response.   
  
"I guess." She said simply. She didn't want to argue. She hated arguing with him; even though it was easy.   
  
…And the only reason she ever argued with him, was to keep him close. She'd prefer to hear him yell profanities at her, than not hear his voice.   
  
And arguing showed that he cared about her opinion, or he thought she was deserving enough to warrant a forceful explanation.   
  
She lifted her head, and stared across the room to a smiling Grissom.   
  
"Do I get the bed or the couch?" She questioned, a smile on her face.   
  
She couldn't believe she was here. She'd only been here once, and that was in purely work related.   
  
It felt good to see a part of Grissom which was usually of limits. It made her more a part of his life.   
  
"You think I'd make you sleep on a couch?" he quipped, with fake resentment.   
  
"You've made me do far worse things for experiments." She said, trying to defend herself. It was true.  
  
"I guess." He said simply, mirroring her earlier words. They exchanged a smile.   
  
Each felt closer to the other than they ever had before.   
  
"Do you think you're the only one who's afraid…?" She said openly. Kind words and smiles weren't another.   
  
"…Afraid of what?" he said, not wanting to guess the wrong thing.   
  
"This" she said simply, moving closer to him.   
  
There was a silence. Sara wanted an answer, but it appeared that Gil Grissom was being his usual self, and trying to ignore the obvious personal attachments he had.   
  
"The only reason I'm being more…" her voice trailed, as the events of the night flooded her mind, "…forward, is because if I'm not, we'll never get anywhere." She admitted.   
  
"Who says there's anywhere to go," he said sadly, in part it was another tactic to make her drop the subject…but it was also a small admittance of his own fear. Just because it felt strong now, didn't mean it had anywhere to go.   
  
Could he really be what she needed?  
  
"I do. We kissed once, we'll kiss again." She said, her voice full of determination.   
  
Her voice forced Grissom to look at her.   
  
She was so stubborn.   
  
She had to be; to have lasted through all they had. He knew he'd treated her badly. And she kept coming back for me.   
  
'She must see something she likes.' He thought, wondering what she did see.   
  
She placed her hands on her hips, she was waiting again.  
  
Waiting for a response.   
  
Forever waiting for an answer from him.   
  
"It's not a certainty," Grissom said, running his hand through his hair.  
  
He was now becoming very aware that he couldn't avoid her.   
  
This was his home.   
  
He could ask her to leave…but what would that achieve?  
  
After all, he saw her everyday at work.   
  
Things were going to have to be resolved tonight; one way or the other.   
  
This couldn't continue.   
  
The main reason it never got anywhere, was because of the fear it may affect work, but if 'this' remained in the state it was in, work was bound to be affected anyway.   
  
"This is stronger than science Grissom." She said, moving slightly closer.   
  
Her words hit him. It was true; he'd been explaining away his feelings with science; biology, chemistry, psychology…anything which gave what he felt a logical pattern.   
  
She sighed, and moved her body against him, and leaned into him, placing her head on his chest.   
  
'Maybe if I'm physically close, he cant ignore my emotional presence.'  
  
"Tell me I'm crazy, and ill leave. Tell me you can't feel it, and ill leave." She said, finally.   
  
If she was going to be rejected, she wanted a definite answer. She didn't want to be left wondering.   
  
…And at least if he told her to leave, at least she would remember this warmth that she felt now.   
  
'Now or Never.' He thought.   
  
There was silence, and he helplessly put his arms around her, in fear that she may run out before he could say the right words.   
  
And that's when he heard it.   
  
Her heartbeat.   
  
And that's when he knew.   
  
  
  
And he breathed her in. And his mind was almost silent; apart from a couple of words, which would probably remain unsaid; because he knew this embrace would say more than his words ever could.   
  
'You're not crazy…'   
  
'…And of course I can feel it…'  
  
'…. Never leave me…'  
  
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I had to end it. Any further, and this will turn into angst.   
  
Thanks for the reviews. 


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